Desires

The holidays are stressful. There are the challenges of too much family, not enough family, not enough money, continual exposure to food and alcohol, and perhaps worst of all, the gap between our actual life and our fantasy life. As if gazing into the perfect happy scene within a snowglobe, we might fall into a trance of how our life should be.
We might feel torn apart by nostalgia and grief over the good times and good people of the past, and wracked with guilt and inadequacy for failing to create a more wonderful life for ourselves. We might feel scared about our dissatisfaction and hypnotized by the promise of fulfillment just beyond the hard glass.
Addictive and codependent behaviors thrive during this season of fantasy.

We use our drugs and habits to escape the pain, while imagining how we will miraculously make changes, always tomorrow, or next week, or next year. We frantically try to keep our idea of the all-good holiday alive through our codependent behaviors, imagining that we have the power to make sure that everyone else is happy and no one gets upset, while suppressing our own feelings of anger and disappointment.


We can watch our relationships with alcohol, marijuana, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, prescription and non-prescription drugs, gambling, video games, television or Internet videos, social media, food, exercise, work, and shopping. We can ask ourselves: How much are we using? How much of our time does it consume? How much money are we spending on our habits? How long have we been using? Is it increasing, decreasing, or remaining constant?
We can watch our relationships with our loved ones. We can ask ourselves: How much of our energy is being devoted to worrying about or trying to control other people’s addictive behaviors? How much are we being controlled by fear of others’ reactions to our boundaries or limits?

How are our habits affecting our physical health? How are our behaviors affecting our relationships with others? How are our drugs, habits, or relationship patterns affecting our work life? What are the short- and long-term benefits and costs?
As we watch and explore our behaviors in an open and neutral manner, we set the stage for our growth toward increased health. We emerge into the New Year with information about ourselves that we need in order to develop a plan of action, if we so choose, toward change. And by being more honest with ourselves and more present in the life we currently are living, we have broken the paralyzing spell of fantasy: We have begun moving toward a better life.
By By Danielle B. Grossman, MFT

If a guy desires you back, are you willing jump into a relationship again with him? How will you know that he is interested again in you? Do you know some signs that could surely tell that he loves you or not? Well, to tell you honestly, you can tell that a guy wants to get back with you. It shows in the way he says things and it even shows in his gestures.

Many people have that longing to have a partner. Your partner may be feeling lonesome lately and he begins to realize that is you that he wants to be with. What has transpired in the past may have been hurtful. Now, it doesn't matter as to who initiated the break up. Both of your feelings have been reawakened. Right now, what you need to know are some signs that your ex desires you back. Here is some of it.


1. He spends time with your common friends as well your family

A broken-hearted man would still want to know what's going on with your life. One of the possible ways to do that would be to spend time with your family and friends. After all, those are the persons that can give first hand information. What is weirder is that he made an effort to bring your brothers along to watch an NBA game. Come to think of it, he has never even uttered a single word to your brothers when you were still dating him. His approach is like the grape vine. He clings on to the people you know just so he can be able to bring you in back to his life.

2. He makes it an effort to ask for forgiveness

Saying sorry is the hardest thing one could do. You know, you have to lower down your pride before asking for forgiveness. It takes a lot for an individual to do that. He invites you over for a cup of coffee. You will notice that initially, he will ask how you are. The next thing you know is that he will ask for an apology. What is more is that, he will promise that he'll improve. He will try to become a better person. He will change the things that you dislike in him.

3. He continues to keep in contact with you

Once you arrived in your home, you notice that you have a couple of messages in your answering machine. Hearing the messages, you know it's your ex who called up. This doesn't only happen once but a couple of times. He will also be exchanging text messages with you. Not only that, he posts something on your Facebook wall.

You may wonder as to why he still hasn't said that he wants to have the relationship back after all the telltale signs. Maybe because he still has mixed emotions. Also, he may also want to be single and change for the better. You can directly ask him if he still wants to be with you or not. It's a guarantee that he has an answer for that.

 Marriage is an institution that is beautiful and wonderful. It is a place of comfort and rest; a place of peace where we must live peacefully with another and have good relationship with others. Without fear, anxiety, fret, discouragement or bad feelings, you must be able to create a healthy environment that will enable you love a man especially one who do not want conflict or misunderstanding in marriage. Getting married to a man who is very diplomatic, efficient, objective and organized is something you can do. This article exposes and explains. Please read on!

When you want to love a man who desire to have peace in marriage, you must understand his inner nature and his emotional needs. You ought to know that he is a nice person by nature. He is free from all harshness or roughness and marked by kindly courtesy.

You should also understand that he can move or act slowly so that progress especially in relationship is retarded; he can easily quit any relationship that is not giving him peace. He is full of agitations in the presence of danger and disquieted state of mind. He is indecisive, selfish and very self-protective. In other words, he can do anything to afford or promote peace in his life. He is unwilling to share what he has with others and lacks the power that rouses the mind or spirits, or incites to activity.

You must be aware of his desire to have no earnest struggle for superiority or victory but you can sustain peace by affording or promoting peace. Give him a sense of deferential approval and liking, a feeling of equivalence in good qualities implied, understanding his foundation that is dominated by subjective response and live in full and perfect agreement with him.

Celebrate his personality; appreciate his ability to feel tender passion and compassion for others. Let his nature that involve joint action in producing a result and calming influence do you a world of good. Understand how much a peaceful living means to him. Let his maturity to come between disagreeing elements and people who are having aggressive attitude be integrity to your personality. Rate highly his capability to hit upon a solution to hard nut to crack.

Do not make him feel strong displeasure or bad temper. He may not be as strong as you think, do not make him go through the action or effect of force exerted within or upon him, unless you want to stay alone. Eat with him, watch television with him and talk with him.

Be good to him and be his best friend! Do not be marked by bold determination and readiness for conflict, do not be marked by or based on bold and excessive self-confidence. Allow him to do things at his speed and be patient with him.

Contribute to his decision-making process and do not allow him make mistakes. Respect the complex of especially mental and emotional qualities that distinguish him. Do not try to pass over without giving him due attention; cherish him and nurture peace on every relevant occasion.

Love him passionately! Encourage him to do more in life and appreciate him for any accomplishment. Find out better ways to romance him and enjoy love-making with him.

Take pleasure in good supply of his benevolent interest. Talk to him with love and in a way that expresses care. Make yourself master of lovemaking and be ready to originate lovemaking when his sex drive cools down. Understand his essential habits and compliment when he is weak. Build up your self-esteem, self-ideal and self-image so that you can be a wife he will always cherish.

Encourage him to be a leader he ought to be especially in the home. Be his best friend and let him know that he can be better. Do not allow his nature of being concerned only with his own activities to disturb you. He may tend to self-assertion or self-satisfaction but skill with exciting activities; talk with him and laugh with him passionately.

If you can be good to him, you will enjoy his gentle personality. Though he is selfish and unmotivated, if you can do your homework very well, you will inspire him into expressing greater love for you and giving you more warmly commending acceptance.

Bring your ability and adequacy to work. Use your power well, be a real woman who know how to use her best strategies. Work on him intelligently and you will have what you need from him. Put away emotional response to a slight or indignity.

Enjoy the quality of his physical or mental forcefulness; let his mental attitude and solitude give you fortitude you need to love him better. Build guts and maturity. Increase the integrity of your marriage by manifesting the divinity that is at work in you and love him selflessly.

We all have dreams about what we would like to have in our lives. Be it a better car, a better home, or a career that inspires you to get up in the morning; all of these can seem like just an impossible dream. But, that does not mean that it HAS to be that way. You can get around the belief that it cannot happen, and start to condition yourself to EXPECT it to happen.

Manifesting can be a tricky thing to do, especially when you are not used to consciously creating the opportunities that you want. But, you can learn how and you can make your life turn around very quickly, when you keep a mind clear of distraction and disbelief and focus on bring in what you DO want.

Here are 3 tips to clear your mind and manifest what you DREAM about:

1. You want to channel your anger, frustration, and any other negative emotions and turn them into POSITIVE ones.

We all know on some level that the more negative that we feel and think about things, the worst our lives can get. Basically, you start to ATTRACT what you feel and what you consistently think about. If you want to turn things around, turn those emotions around and your results will soon begin to follow.

2. You need to zone out the nay sayers and the negative influences.

Any time that you turn on the television, the radio, or pick up a newspaper, you are going to be greeted with negative stories. It sells, and because of this, they are going to keep pounding it in your mind. Well, all that is going to do is to make everything seem a lot worse than it has to be. And that is going to make it a LOT harder to manifest your desires, when you feel the despair. I am not trying to influence you to ignore these things altogether, just tone them down a little and see the difference.

3. Find out a proper and REALISTIC method for using the Law of Attraction.

I will be the first to admit, that there is a lot of unproven hype that sometimes finds itself attached to the law of attraction. Methods that promise miracles for doing nothing will only keep you DREAMING, when you need to be MANIFESTING. With the right system, you can use the law of attraction and start seeing REAL RESULTS.

There are two things that are so much related to each other and yet so different from each other as east is from west. This is the art of love and union of friendship. Dating happens to cut across between these two important factors in the relationship world. It happens when you want to celebrate friendship or your love. It is a simple but quite a complex issue. It all depends on the way you see the situation and make up your mind. The differences between the two entities are very similar in their differences and very different in their similarities.

Finding their similarities is equivalent to determining their differences. What many people have asked them is whether the entity of platonic friendship is also an alternative for person of the opposite sex. This is also an issue that faces many during dating instances where it might crop up any minute. The thing about friendship is that if you really care about a person, you have to aid the individual in his/her time of need. When we share thoughts and issues with an individual, they are then our good friends.

A good friend will be your backup in times of hardships and emergencies. It is in fact, our best friends who discover our lonely nature and make arrangements for us to meet their friends. We build good dating relationships that have the greatest chances of making it big. You will also find out that you are always expecting your best friend to understand you once you begin acting in a specific way. You don't feel under any obligation to explain a situation or anything else to your good friend.

The intimate dating relationship you have and the strength of your friendship is understood well by your good friend. Our friends automatically understand us without much problem. The part of love in a relationship is different from what friendship and dating entail. In a relationship with deep love holding the reins, the sharing takes a novel meaning. The fact is that love transcends each tenet of friendship. Love makes us to be attracted and attached to only one person, while friendship can bring into the equation so many people.

A dating relationship that has people loving each other in a very pious way makes sure that there is great pain on the person who finds his lover hurting. Love does in a way involve a physical kind of element. This is something that friendship lacks. This is the greatest difference between friendship and love. Nature does bring forth love to the myriad species so that nurture can continue while nature fails to offer humans with the act of friendship.

When you are about to go to a dating spree with your friend, the beats of your heart never increase in their anticipation of the meeting. However the reverse is true when you are meeting a lover. You are bound to do all this and others if the need be. Love and friendship cannot be equal, yet they all have love.

Women have quickly climbed up the capricious ladder of today's world of aggressiveness and voyeurism, by taking a stand in the sexuality department. They no longer lie in bed and wait for men to get off ; nowadays women have no queries about jumping on top and taking men for a ride on their love train.

Getting a little wet and nasty is no longer taboo and doesn't make women blush or cringe at the thought of doing so. Prepare yourself to learn about what sexually assertive women find intriguing. You may be in store for a surprise, so get the lotion and hang on to your bedposts...

tell her you want it.

Although some women are appalled at the notion of "dirty talk", others love it and can go so far as to get off from hearing you say that she's been a nasty little girl and may need to be thrust harder and harder for it. Leaning over whilst making love and whispering dirty nothings in her ear may be what's needed to make her reach the big-O.

Talking dirty makes some women feel as though you're paying them the ultimate compliment. Remember that sex involves all the senses and being vocal and expressive is a creative way to enhance what may already feel very good. It's not necessary to be excessively vulgar and use four-letter words -- telling her that you want to sleep with her best friend is not the way to go either.

Tell her things you'd like to do to her and be imaginative. Tell her about fantasies that involve her and ask her questions that have "yes" or "no" responses. For example, when you whisper, "Do you want me to turn you over and show you what I've been dreaming about doing all day?" in her ear, she will respond accordingly if she likes what she's hearing.

If you'd like to know whether or not your lady likes this kind of thing, bring it up subtly in a conversation one day when you're in bed watching television. Ask about her favorite words and phrases and if your tastes don't coincide, then work on a compromise, and don't be afraid to let her know what floats your boat either.

public indecency

The most clichéd fantasy of public sex is probably the one involving the full moon, the warm air and, of course, the beach. Most women imagine some romantic scenario that involves you, her, a bottle of wine, and privacy...even if it is in public. Now guys have to be careful about broaching this subject because although most women do have an element of exhibitionism in them, no woman really wants to get caught and be deemed as "easy".

The thrill involved in public sex may come from the risk of getting caught, the excitement in breaking a taboo, or both, but either way, the idea of public sex is a huge turn on for partners. Have you ever rubbed your lover's thighs under the table in a crowded, expensive restaurant? How did she react? Did she push your hand off quickly and snap at you or did she spread her legs apart so that you could slip your hand under her skirt and into her panties? Well if you're looking to bring it up, there's nothing like testing the waters to see if they're warm first, huh?

she likes to watch

It is common knowledge among the entire human race that nothing turns a man on more than visual stimulation, but do you know that women also love to be stimulated through their sense of sight? Now I'm not saying that you should turn up Prince's music and begin stripping as though you were born and bred in the Chippendales crew. Rather, why not undress for her slowly and make plenty of eye contact? You'd be surprised how hot a woman can become just watching you remove your leather belt and t-shirt.

It's also a fact that men enjoy watching women pleasure themselves with their own hands. Hearing her vocal pleasure as well as seeing her ability for self-gratification is sensually enticing. Perhaps very few women actually enjoy watching their partners pleasure themselves, but you'll never know until you try. Knowing that a man is getting himself off and thinking about us is a huge turn on. Now don't start stroking it as if you're in the midst of a marathon; be erotic about it instead.

If you'd rather not bring it up in conversation, then why not begin one of your sexual sessions with mutual masturbation? This way you can eventually move your hand from her privates to your own. If it seems as though the situation is perplexing her, take her hand and place it over yours while you slowly stroke yourself up and down. If you behave sexily and not pornographically, most women will probably be in tune to your vibes. The only way to find out is through sexual exploration.
her discovery channel
Women are discovering more and more that being clear about what they want in bed does not make them horrible people. So if women want something, they ask for it. After all, what's the point of "faking" and never getting what they really want out of sexual trysts? Most men love to hear what women want and although all women don't get excited by the same things, the key to discovering what's hot on your woman's particular list of sexual ventures is to ask her.

Some people don't realize it, but sex is as important an aspect of relationships as trust and companionship. It's hard to be with someone who doesn't enjoy making love as often as you do and although some people would consider that sex isn't reason enough to end a relationship, I strongly disagree. If you want to make love four times a week and you're lucky if your lover gives it to you once a month, then there's a major problem in the sex department.

This problem will eventually lead to other problems. One partner may go out and have an affair or may be constantly resentful toward the partner who won't "give it up". Ultimately, the relationship will begin to self-destruct because of a communication gap. Always remember to discuss these issues with your partner and before jumping into something serious, make sure that both of you share the same desires.

Until next time gentlemen, remember that the key to great sex is creativity and imagination. So dig in with heart and soul!

What do you do when you want something really bad?

Suppose that new pickup truck seems to be just what you need to feel wonderful again? Maybe it is the redecorating of the dining room. Or, perhaps it's that new Fall outfit, or the vacation that will let you get away for awhile. For some of us it might mean going off the wagon and having a drink, for others it could be eating your way through the holidays. And what if it is that clandestine affair with Mr. or Ms. Unavailable, with whom you find that your heart and hands have a mind of their own?

So many desires. So many apparent needs. We all have a life time of them. When I was young I wanted toys that were soon forgotten. In junior high school I wanted a girlfriend who soon was left behind for another. In High school I wanted to be a sports hero. But the popularity and acclaim eluded me regardless of the athletic success.

All along I have discovered my strongest desires had something missing once attained. There was loneliness and little motivation once I reached grad school in Arizona, there was stress and disillusionment once I became a pastor, and once past the initial joy of moving to the mountains of Colorado my chronic depression returned.

So, what do we do when we want something really, really bad?

While it's true that the intended satisfaction rarely arrives or doesn't last all that long, we often need to pursue the goal anyway. It may be a noble endeavor that deserves our efforts. It may simply provide a little joy for an interlude in a stressful life.

At the same time, realizing that the end may not be what we really desire, we may refrain from making serious mistakes. Another binge drinking episode, an unfortunate affair, or simply a waste of time and effort can be avoided by recalling our past.

This morning I awoke from a dream where her lips met mine, where my arousal was immediate, and my desire was for more, more, more. We all have such moments, whether in dreams or in the break room with a co-worker. It is the life force moving through us in a way that reminds us that we are not just a gob of clay moping around. Further, it is a reminder of the God spark within us that seeks to enliven and entertain us, as well as, challenging us to develop character and depth.

So, what do I do when I want something really, really, really bad?

I allow myself to be very afraid of my human frailties! But, I also let myself enjoy the sweet joy of the dream. Finally, I evaluate how reasonable the goal is, while watching out for any obsessiveness in regards to it.

Being too riled up is a signal to me that I'm trying to get too much out of something. I'm trying to escape some discomfort in my life by running towards something wonderful. What I need to do is face what's bothering me underneath and resolve it. My preoccupation with the latest and greatest desire is a faithful indicator of my avoidance mechanisms.

Healthy fear, joy, evaluation, and watchfulness over my motives are what help me. What might work for you?

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice.

Married 30 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.