Desires

Women have quickly climbed up the capricious ladder of today's world of aggressiveness and voyeurism, by taking a stand in the sexuality department. They no longer lie in bed and wait for men to get off ; nowadays women have no queries about jumping on top and taking men for a ride on their love train.

Getting a little wet and nasty is no longer taboo and doesn't make women blush or cringe at the thought of doing so. Prepare yourself to learn about what sexually assertive women find intriguing. You may be in store for a surprise, so get the lotion and hang on to your bedposts...

tell her you want it.

Although some women are appalled at the notion of "dirty talk", others love it and can go so far as to get off from hearing you say that she's been a nasty little girl and may need to be thrust harder and harder for it. Leaning over whilst making love and whispering dirty nothings in her ear may be what's needed to make her reach the big-O.

Talking dirty makes some women feel as though you're paying them the ultimate compliment. Remember that sex involves all the senses and being vocal and expressive is a creative way to enhance what may already feel very good. It's not necessary to be excessively vulgar and use four-letter words -- telling her that you want to sleep with her best friend is not the way to go either.

Tell her things you'd like to do to her and be imaginative. Tell her about fantasies that involve her and ask her questions that have "yes" or "no" responses. For example, when you whisper, "Do you want me to turn you over and show you what I've been dreaming about doing all day?" in her ear, she will respond accordingly if she likes what she's hearing.

If you'd like to know whether or not your lady likes this kind of thing, bring it up subtly in a conversation one day when you're in bed watching television. Ask about her favorite words and phrases and if your tastes don't coincide, then work on a compromise, and don't be afraid to let her know what floats your boat either.

public indecency

The most clichéd fantasy of public sex is probably the one involving the full moon, the warm air and, of course, the beach. Most women imagine some romantic scenario that involves you, her, a bottle of wine, and privacy...even if it is in public. Now guys have to be careful about broaching this subject because although most women do have an element of exhibitionism in them, no woman really wants to get caught and be deemed as "easy".

The thrill involved in public sex may come from the risk of getting caught, the excitement in breaking a taboo, or both, but either way, the idea of public sex is a huge turn on for partners. Have you ever rubbed your lover's thighs under the table in a crowded, expensive restaurant? How did she react? Did she push your hand off quickly and snap at you or did she spread her legs apart so that you could slip your hand under her skirt and into her panties? Well if you're looking to bring it up, there's nothing like testing the waters to see if they're warm first, huh?

she likes to watch

It is common knowledge among the entire human race that nothing turns a man on more than visual stimulation, but do you know that women also love to be stimulated through their sense of sight? Now I'm not saying that you should turn up Prince's music and begin stripping as though you were born and bred in the Chippendales crew. Rather, why not undress for her slowly and make plenty of eye contact? You'd be surprised how hot a woman can become just watching you remove your leather belt and t-shirt.

It's also a fact that men enjoy watching women pleasure themselves with their own hands. Hearing her vocal pleasure as well as seeing her ability for self-gratification is sensually enticing. Perhaps very few women actually enjoy watching their partners pleasure themselves, but you'll never know until you try. Knowing that a man is getting himself off and thinking about us is a huge turn on. Now don't start stroking it as if you're in the midst of a marathon; be erotic about it instead.

If you'd rather not bring it up in conversation, then why not begin one of your sexual sessions with mutual masturbation? This way you can eventually move your hand from her privates to your own. If it seems as though the situation is perplexing her, take her hand and place it over yours while you slowly stroke yourself up and down. If you behave sexily and not pornographically, most women will probably be in tune to your vibes. The only way to find out is through sexual exploration.
her discovery channel
Women are discovering more and more that being clear about what they want in bed does not make them horrible people. So if women want something, they ask for it. After all, what's the point of "faking" and never getting what they really want out of sexual trysts? Most men love to hear what women want and although all women don't get excited by the same things, the key to discovering what's hot on your woman's particular list of sexual ventures is to ask her.

Some people don't realize it, but sex is as important an aspect of relationships as trust and companionship. It's hard to be with someone who doesn't enjoy making love as often as you do and although some people would consider that sex isn't reason enough to end a relationship, I strongly disagree. If you want to make love four times a week and you're lucky if your lover gives it to you once a month, then there's a major problem in the sex department.

This problem will eventually lead to other problems. One partner may go out and have an affair or may be constantly resentful toward the partner who won't "give it up". Ultimately, the relationship will begin to self-destruct because of a communication gap. Always remember to discuss these issues with your partner and before jumping into something serious, make sure that both of you share the same desires.

Until next time gentlemen, remember that the key to great sex is creativity and imagination. So dig in with heart and soul!

What do you do when you want something really bad?

Suppose that new pickup truck seems to be just what you need to feel wonderful again? Maybe it is the redecorating of the dining room. Or, perhaps it's that new Fall outfit, or the vacation that will let you get away for awhile. For some of us it might mean going off the wagon and having a drink, for others it could be eating your way through the holidays. And what if it is that clandestine affair with Mr. or Ms. Unavailable, with whom you find that your heart and hands have a mind of their own?

So many desires. So many apparent needs. We all have a life time of them. When I was young I wanted toys that were soon forgotten. In junior high school I wanted a girlfriend who soon was left behind for another. In High school I wanted to be a sports hero. But the popularity and acclaim eluded me regardless of the athletic success.

All along I have discovered my strongest desires had something missing once attained. There was loneliness and little motivation once I reached grad school in Arizona, there was stress and disillusionment once I became a pastor, and once past the initial joy of moving to the mountains of Colorado my chronic depression returned.

So, what do we do when we want something really, really bad?

While it's true that the intended satisfaction rarely arrives or doesn't last all that long, we often need to pursue the goal anyway. It may be a noble endeavor that deserves our efforts. It may simply provide a little joy for an interlude in a stressful life.

At the same time, realizing that the end may not be what we really desire, we may refrain from making serious mistakes. Another binge drinking episode, an unfortunate affair, or simply a waste of time and effort can be avoided by recalling our past.

This morning I awoke from a dream where her lips met mine, where my arousal was immediate, and my desire was for more, more, more. We all have such moments, whether in dreams or in the break room with a co-worker. It is the life force moving through us in a way that reminds us that we are not just a gob of clay moping around. Further, it is a reminder of the God spark within us that seeks to enliven and entertain us, as well as, challenging us to develop character and depth.

So, what do I do when I want something really, really, really bad?

I allow myself to be very afraid of my human frailties! But, I also let myself enjoy the sweet joy of the dream. Finally, I evaluate how reasonable the goal is, while watching out for any obsessiveness in regards to it.

Being too riled up is a signal to me that I'm trying to get too much out of something. I'm trying to escape some discomfort in my life by running towards something wonderful. What I need to do is face what's bothering me underneath and resolve it. My preoccupation with the latest and greatest desire is a faithful indicator of my avoidance mechanisms.

Healthy fear, joy, evaluation, and watchfulness over my motives are what help me. What might work for you?

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice.

Married 30 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.

Kabbalists teach that “a thought is an upshot of a desire,” but what does this mean? Desire is the single most powerful force in reality, yet it's so subtle, so elusive. How can that be?

The truth is that the most powerful forces are often invisible. Radio waves, magnetic and electric fields, radiation, and gravity are examples of powerful forces that we only know through the phenomena they exhibit. Indeed, our best definitions don't adequately explain what a desire is. It can be a noun or a verb and has all of the qualities surrounding both. It can seemingly come from nowhere or it can be sparked by the world around us.

Desires can exhibit as emotional things that don't have a physical "look" at all, and they might also be other forms of sensations that we can't picture because they're without any visual dimension. Desires are produced from external and internal stimuli such as a train heading straight towards us on the tracks or an itchy elbow. In the former case, we are compelled to move out of the way of the train by our desire for safety; in the case of the latter, the tiny irritant creates the impulse to scratch the itch.

It's true that our desires seem to us as invisible things that fly in and out of our heads. We wonder why we get that sudden urge to do something wild and crazy. We wonder why we don't do what we think we want to do. We might spend our hard earned money to change our bad habits that stem from our desires. But wait. Where are all these desires coming from?

According to Kabbalah, desires are our spiritual DNA. We are born with a chain of millions and millions of desires. During our lifetime, we open one desire after another. In fact, our spiritual DNA spans many lifetimes, operating in us from one incarnation to another. This chain of desires has only one purpose: to bring us back to the one desire that is the purpose of all creation: the desire to return to our spiritual roots.

Desire is the essence of man, but it needs a servant to bring it fulfillment. This is where thought comes into the picture. The minute a desire is awakened, it begins to do its work where it compels a man to think. He makes all kinds of calculations which lead to some kind of action-- an action that is born out of a need to fulfill that desire. It might be going to the kitchen for a cup of coffee or a slice of chocolate cake. It might be the decision to begin a job training program to prepare for a career. Whatever the desire may be, the mind is guided by it.

Desires are constantly awakening within us and being analyzed. If the pleasure that is expected to come from filling a desire is worth the effort it requires, then the desire is acted upon. If the effort required is too great, we will discard that desire and awaken a new one. All of this usually happens at an automatic level below our consciousness, but sometimes it reaches our consciousness before the calculation is complete. This is why we sometimes do the opposite of what we believe we want.

The forces of desire which stir our thoughts and compel us to action operate our every single move. Therefore, we don't have the control we think we do. We can't control our thoughts or our desires: when we try, it's only at the expense of something else. For example, in our world, we might choose exercise over watching sports on TV, but that's not control. It's only the trading of one desire for another.

The study of Kabbalah provides us with insight into the relationship between our desires, thoughts and actions. It shows us what is fixed and what one can change. With this understanding, we open up a very narrow doorway where we can influence our desires, even if we cannot change them. If we choose to walk through this doorway, anything is possible.

Cosmic Ordering is the belief that, with the power of spiritual thinking you will be able to gain everything that your heart truly desires, simply by asking the Cosmos. By connecting with the Cosmos and expressing your deepest desires, they can actually become a reality. To assist you with this process follow the cosmic ordering guide below for some ideas on how to convey your wishes to the cosmos.

Cosmic Ordering is attributed to the New Age Movement and focuses heavily on spirituality and the power of positive thinking. Connecting with your inner-self is of great importance and plays a fundamental part in placing a cosmic order.

Although not a brand new idea, the whole idea has gained in popularity recently with many celebrities also becoming intrigued by the notion. Some famous names have actually vocalised their success stories with the rest of the world and are sincere in their belief that their success is a direct result of placing a cosmic order.

Although not difficult to comprehend, this process does require following some key principals which are invaluable in assisting you to work towards tuning into your inner-self and achieving a positive thinking process.

Firstly, actually picture what your heart truly desires. Your true wish could be something as mundane as a pay-rise or could be as spiritual as the health of someone close to you. Picture your desire and feel it. Think about it with positivity and depth.

The second key principle is extremely important and that is to ensure your order is positive, pleasant and personal to you. Placing an order for a negative, nasty or vengeful happening could backfire on you. Keep your thoughts positive and your request beneficial to you.

The next step is to actually place the order and the way in which this occurs is completely down to the individual. Some people initiate their own service at a sacred spot. Others simply write down their request on a piece of paper and wrap this around an artifact of their choice. However you choose to do this, it would be beneficial to go to a place which is quiet and brings about a spiritual glow, a happy place that is close to you heart. Some people feel that it helps to write it down and then recite the request over and over, some on a daily basis until they feel positive that change could occur.

Finally, another key factor is to actually believe in the power of the cosmos and that you will achieve success. Allow for positive thinking and disperse any negative thoughts or anxious feelings you may have about the whole procedure and whether or not it does indeed work. Just picture positive things and wait for them to transpire.

Following this cosmic ordering guide will definitely place you on the right path to achieving your hearts desire. When you truly desire something and consider yourself deserving of it and trust that the cosmos could deliver it to you, then the universe will not let you down.

After spending the last ten years or so studying psychology and behavior, I've come to the opinion that MOST of our desires, drives, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, and personality traits are determined by our DNA and some by our social conditioning. I'm talking about both men and women here.

Even differences like whether a person prefers adventure or couch riding are largely a matter of programming from birth (If you really disagree with me on this one, read some books on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or try the book Who Am I? by Steven Reiss.)

In any event, HOWEVER they got to be interested in these common things, most women have a few main interests, needs, desires, or whatever you want to call them when it comes to men, relationships, and romance.

Have you ever read the personals? Have you ever noticed how many women say things like "princess looking for prince", "friends first", and "looking for my soulmate"? Have you ever noticed how almost NO men ever say these things?

What's going on?

Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men? Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant? Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things?

What's going on?

Have you ever noticed how many women are attracted to drama? Here's my take on this whole subject: Women are playing out a role that hasn't changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it's the same that it's always been.

There are many parts of human brains that create drives and desires for different things. Often, these drives conflict with each other. For instance, a woman might want a strong man in her life, but she might also want a feeling of independence. She might want to have attention, but she might also want to be seen as above needing it. (Men have these types of conflicts as well, but in different areas.)

So, for example, I hear a lot of men saying things like, "I hate all the drama that women create. Why do they create this stuff?" My answer: Drama accomplishes a lot of things at once. It gets attention, it sends emotions through the body (emotions are highly addictive chemicals), it's a way to be self-righteous, it's often fun, it's interesting and prevents boredom, it gives things meaning... and on and on. There are a lot of good reasons for drama. But most men can't understand because drama fulfills needs that MOST MEN DON'T HAVE.

It's like women saying, "I hate it when all a guy can talk about is sports." What needs to sports fulfill for men? Competition, adrenaline, power, domination... all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfills needs that most women just plain don't have.

Suppose that new pickup truck seems to be just what you need to feel wonderful again? Maybe it is the redecorating of the dining room. Or, perhaps it's that new Fall outfit, or the vacation that will let you get away for awhile. For some of us it might mean going off the wagon and having a drink, for others it could be eating your way through the holidays. And what if it is that clandestine affair with Mr. or Ms. Unavailable, with whom you find that your heart and hands have a mind of their own?